Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Musings of a Frustrated Educator

This picture pretty sums up my world the last few months. I have been pretty frustrated with my career. 

Not my students, mind you. I have amazing students! They work hard, they make me laugh, it is a joy to come to school and teach them.

It IS NOT my students. 

It's crazy....this edtech world. I started connecting with other passionate educators around 2008 or 2009. That exploded in 2011 with earning my SMART Exemplary Educator, my Google Certified Teacher (now Certified Innovator), Twitter, presenting at conferences etc. Through these endeavors, I have connected and made friends with some AMAZING educators. Many I talk daily with! I am truly fortunate to know these individuals and call them friends. The push me and help me become better.

And I am better. I am a MUCH better teacher and educator than I was last year. I am leaps and bounds better than I was before edtech became a "thing."

I feel stagnate. Stuck. 

I am teaching a new class this year. Project Lead the Way's Automation and Robotics and that is SUPER fun. But my issues aren't with the lack excitement of doing something new in teaching. I feel as if I am doing something new daily as I have new curriculum, new students, new time frame, and a desire to do something special with it all.

I feel like at this point, I should be beyond teaching. Most of my close educator friends I have known since the beginning of my PLN have moved upward or beyond the classroom. Now, I am not trying to compare myself to them-they are AMAZING and AWESOME in their own right. I just know I am capable of awesome outside the classroom.

And it isn't without me trying to branch out. I have. 

I applied for two separate edtech positions- one in my own district and one at the county level. 
One, maybe I was suited, but like many other positions, there is someone better. I know the individual and couldn't be happier for him or her! The other, however, I received one letter/email saying "Thank you for reaching beyond your expertise." Ummmm what?? I had been giving teacher professional development integrating technology for years for my district and around California at this point. 

Since then, I still give professional development, but more and more around California and closer to home. Plus, the addition of two little ones at home keep me home more often-gladly, of course!

But now what? I have thought about moving districts, perhaps finding a TOSA position, or perhaps earning my Administration Credential so that I can go into curriculum. 

Again, it absolutely isn't who I teach or necessarily what I teach (although, that is another blog post), but where I am professionally.  I think with all the changes with my position, new curriculum and a shorter amount of time to do what I know in my heart my students need....has pushed me over the edge and looking outward and beyond my walls and site. I am drained more and more each day and I am trying to find a way to release the stress and pressure.

Perhaps all I need is to recharge. Reconnect with my fellow educators and find the light. I always feel more inspired and ready to try something new when I get a true pedagogy conversation going. 

I honestly don't know. 

I have been chatting with my husband about it all and he has been nothing but supportive. I am so thankful. 

I am thankful for my hubby, my kids, and my students I teach day in and day out. They truly do make me smile and my students are the ones who push me to pull the best out of them.

And for now, that's enough.